


Avoiding Secrets

by Jenn_Calaelen



Category: Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-06
Updated: 2012-12-06
Packaged: 2017-11-20 11:43:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,658
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/585046
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jenn_Calaelen/pseuds/Jenn_Calaelen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dorothea struggles to write a letter to Nancy, plans for the Summer after <em>Picts and Martyrs</em></p>
            </blockquote>





	Avoiding Secrets

**Author's Note:**

  * For [xsabrix](https://archiveofourown.org/users/xsabrix/gifts).



> Beta read by El Staplador. All remaining mistakes are totally my fault

Dorothea Callum put down her school bag by her desk and picked up the letter from her mother, away on another dig. Dick would not be back for a few hours, depending on what he was doing after school. Mrs Perkins would be in the kitchen; no doubt she would soon be setting up tea and calling Dorothea down to eat and reminding her to do her prep, but with any luck there would be time for her to read and answer the letter first. She had not expected Mother to write so soon – she usually wrote once a week, a long letter full of news. However, it was unlikely to be bad news – that would have come from a telegram. Dorothea opened it carefully (Dick would want the stamp) and skim read it. Mrs Blackett was inviting her and Dick to Beckfoot from the beginning of the summer holidays. She felt her heart lift in her in chest – she had not imagined another invitation so soon, after the voyage in the _Sea Bear_ at Easter. 

Would the eggs have hatched yet? Surely one of the others would have written if there was any news. Titty had said nothing in her last letter, so maybe nothing had happened yet. It would have been wonderful to go up to the lake. She was already imagining the long train journey, further and further north, arriving at long last in Rio. The Amazons would meet them; they would have sailed _Scarab_ over for them to sail her back - surely Nancy would, knowing that they would be eager to set sail once more. The Swallows would be there - or perhaps not; their school terms seemed to be longer than anyone else's last year. So they would probably have been staying at Beckfoot or camping somewhere on that side of the lake – sailing every day or going to see the mine. Dick would probably be able to help with more of the mining again – that would make him happy. She could write, or sail with Nancy, there were so many possibilities for adventures. 

She had almost forgotten that they had other plans. Mrs Barrable had already invited them to cruise on the  _Teasel_ again, and arranged for Tom and the Farlands to join them. Dick and Dorothea had written to the twins and Tom, discussing plans for their new voyages. They were determined that this year nothing would prevent them seeing Norwich, and exploring the Southern Rivers (so many birds to spot, and sights for the Admiral to paint). They would arrive at Horning in the afternoon and set off for Yarmouth the next morning.

Dorothea dragged her mind away from that and, picking up her writing case, sat down on the windowseat. The summer sun made the London street look even more drab than it usually did, but at least she would escape it soon – even if not to the Lakes. She reread the letter from Mother. She was going to write back to Mrs Blackett, she said, but Dorothea felt it would be rude not to write to Nancy as well. 

Writing to Nancy was always hard – she could write to Titty at any time or Susan or the Coots easily, but somehow she always wanted to impress Nancy with her letters. It was almost like some of the sillier members of her form at school – the way Clara went on and on about Miss James, Zoe forever writing soppy little notes to Anna. No, it was nothing like that – she was writing a letter to a friend, not someone who hardly knew she existed. The paper in front of her was still blank and there was not a lot of time if she was to catch the last post of the day. Dorothea gritted her teeth and scribbled a first attempt at a letter.

 _Dear Nancy,_

_Please thank your mother very much for the invitation for Dick and me to come to Beckfoot right from the start of the school holidays. I am afraid that we already have other plans. Mrs Barrable has invited us to sail with her on the Broads. Port and Starboard are back from their school in Paris and so we have plans for a long sail. We can come up later in the summer. Your invitation is much appreciated._

_Yours sincerely_

_Dorothea Callum_

She stared at the letter, written in the formal manner she had learnt at school, imagining Nancy reading it. It was far too polite - too much like something an outsider would write, as if it were still that first winter. Dorothea wondered how Nancy would react to the news – would she mind or would it not matter to her? She stared at the letter, wishing that she could just write to Titty instead, but that seemed rude. She needed to explain that they already had plans in a way as to not make themselves unwelcome later, but it would not be right (even if true) to say that she would rather be there – after all the Coots were their friends and they had not been to the Broads since last September. It was not as if the Amazons would not have adventures without them – yet Dorothea felt her heart sink slightly at the idea. She could not speak to Dick about this. He was very excited about returning to the Broads. She tore the letter up and started again.

 _Captain Nancy,_

_Thank you for the invitation. Dick and I are unavoidably detained at the start of the summer – due to an already planned expedition around the Norfolk Broads._

_Port and Starboard have escaped their durance vile in Paris. We must visit before they are recaptured and whisked away back to their dreaded cell. There are many hiding places known only to the Coots, but they need allies to help bring supplies and scout without being recognised. We expect that they will be apprehended again before the end of the summer and that as their allies we would be forced to flee the area and seek sanctuary in the north – I trust that we might then call upon you for aid?_

_Dot, Mate of the Scarab_

Better, although she expected that Nancy would find this overly dramatic - too much like one of her stories. She sighed. Even after so many years she did not know enough to write proper dispatches; was it even correct to sign herself 'Mate of the _Scarab'_ when _Scarab_ was at the lake and they would be sailing another ship? She wondered miserably if it would even matter - she knew that they were part of the group when they were there, but would they be missed? The others had helped Dick to photograph the Divers, but was that more to do with wanting more sailing? Nancy was up for any adventure, strong enough to face any challenge and had enjoyed the decoy work. Dick might be fully accepted – scientist, astronomer - but was she? Dorothea sighed and started another draft.

_Via Native Post_

_Captain Nancy_

_Dick and I have taken the shilling and are required to crew the_ _Teasel_ _in this summer's voyage exploring the Boards while Port and Starboard are on parole from captivity in Paris. When they have to return to their cells, we would be delighted to come North for the remainder of the holidays._

_The current plan is for us to spend the first two weeks of the holidays under sail on the southern rivers, then return to London, if our parents have got back. If not, Mother will arrange for someone to meet us at the station and get us onto the northbound train._

_Dorothea, Mate of Scarab_

She sighed. She would probably not be able to manage anything better, but at least it was something. She wished for a moment that she could somehow write it better to impress Nancy, but would she ever be impressed? Well, except by the skating, and the rabbit stew.

Dorothea shook herself. She was being silly - they were a part of the group and would be missed, although maybe not so much as she might have liked. Nancy was far closer to the other older ones, even Susan. It was not fair: she was as old now as Nancy had been when they met, but she would always be those maddening few years younger. She wished that they were more nearly the same age – then maybe she could be closer to Nancy. But would it have made any difference – it seemed clear from Easter that Nancy and John were so close, the two captains going off from the group on their own. Jealousy stabbed at her – the two of them were best friends, respected each other as equals. How could she even hope to compete in any way? Last summer had been different, while the Swallows had been away. They had had such fun hiding out in the Dogs' Home, and, later in the summer, after the Swallows had gone to meet their father – so impressive the way that Nancy had managed to deal with the Great Aunt. Dorothea suddenly wished it could happen again – she had got to spend a lot of time sailing with Nancy (and Peggy, of course, she added) and improving. Maybe this summer she could sail well enough to impress Nancy, or maybe there would be a mystery to be solved – she was good at those. 

The hall clock chimed the hour, half muted by the closed door. Dorothea sighed and reread her letter. She had best post it before she was tempted to add anything more – or to give up on sending it. What more could she say – she could not put any of her feelings into the letter, surely that would be a way to make herself unwelcome. She folded it carefully and put it into an envelope, then wrote the address on the envelope and hurried out to post it. 


End file.
